In the audio book I listened to in the car today, I listened to the story of how a little boy was scolded after the snowball he threw accidentally hit a woman. At the end of the story, I was in tears and if I found that woman, I could drown her in two spoons of water. Bitch!!!!!
This child was the hero of a story about how unhappy and unloving people react to us by making us feel guilty when we are ourselves as children. After this incident, while the child was waiting for a voice to say “Don’t be afraid, there is nothing to worry about”, I was in tears because he was disappointed by being treated in an attitude that scolded him for what he did and made him feel guilty. At the end of the story, this woman’s mentality; I learned that the more I scolded and felt guilty, the more I disciplined him.
People who do not do things to make themselves and others feel good eventually turn into unhappy and loveless people. It is a crime for an adult who was exposed to such despotic behavior during his or her own childhood or later in life to inflict the same experience on other children. I think legislators should give priority to protecting children by enacting a special law for children. We need to learn and teach how developing our self-esteem and meeting our need to love and be loved during our childhood contribute to our happiness and success in our adult lives. On the other hand, while I was questioning whether I was behaving in a way that would make others experience similar negative emotions, a few painful memories came to my mind. When I learned that the shortest way to love yourself is to do things that make us feel good, I thought about the people I treated like this woman. When I observed some of my behaviors, first towards myself and then towards my mother, father, brother, spouse and close friends, I deeply felt how little love I had at those moments. When I realized that I loved conditionally, I became completely strange. We all experience the trouble that the resentful, fearful, ashamed lonely children among us cause us when they become adults with their feelings of hatred and anger.
If we feel like we are in this situation today, I have a few suggestions for those who ask what we can do to heal. We develop schemas so that we can continue our struggle for life after the negative experiences we experience at these ages. We can have information about how the 11 basic schemas are formed by our distorted perspectives, how they keep us alive, and how we can become free by getting rid of the influence of these schemas in our adult lives.
Love and respect
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